Let go of the SHIT and be HAPPY!

I'm exhausted.

I had one of those days where I felt like I was drowning. In chaos, in bills that never end, chores that I can never finish, people that I cant make happy, things that I want to do, and there's not enough time and sanity.

I gave myself permission to feel.

Being a mom is hard... being a good person is hard.

All of the things you try to do and be and no matter how good you try to be there will always be hate and judgment. The pressure is immense. I do my very best. I'm tired of struggling, I'm tired of caring what people think.

I'm ready to be successful, I'm ready to be all that I'm capable of being, and allow myself to feel, to have good days and bad.

The pressure to be perfect to balance everything can be too much some days. I've been learning that apart of the balancing act IS to have bad days. It wouldn't be reality if you were happy go lucky and you kids behaved all the time.

I feel as though that there's also this big weight on my shoulders that i'm ready to let go of... making others happy. You cant fucking do it. It will drive you CRAZY to live your life trying to keep others happy. You can never win this one, its an exhausting game we play with ourselves, when reality is that no matter how right you try to do things or how much you try to keep everyone happy, you will end up with some people who still aren't (that's not your problem its theirs) and you'll end up sacrificing your own peace.

I believe in allowing yourself to feel and hurt and yell scream and cry when you need it, to vent and let out all the crap that holds you down.

but then LET IT GO.

Move past.

Breathe.

How can we make things work better going forward to ensure our happiness?

For me I needed a day to do nothing. to relax. Then a day to sit and think and evaluate, what do I want and what do I not need?

I don't need to please others, I don't need to feel guilty because I cant do EVERYTHING.

I DO NEED to be there for my kiddos and have fun, I do need to be present, I do need time with my husband, and I do need to have time for my passions.

I feel clearer and happier since doing this, looking within, and asking myself what makes me happy?
Whats most important to me?

I urge you to do the same.

Hope all you women out there, who take on a million things know that you need breaks too, that you don't owe anyone anything, and to do what makes you happy.

Much love, Teesha

My Mission To Live Clean 

I recently have been really paying attention to the products and the ingredients that are in the products I have around my home. It wasn't something I used to think much about, but as I got older and I had children of my own I started to really get concerned with what was going in or on my children's bodies and what I could be doing that would be safer and cleaner. So many chemicals are linked to cancer and with so many people suffering I think its worth making a change.

For a while I cleaned with vinegar and lemons, I made my own body scrubs and butters, I used coconut oil and mixed up my own concoctions to use around the home that was safe if my children happen to get into that dreaded cupboard under the sink. As much as those things worked, it took a lot of my time to be mixing and making them, I hated the vinegar smell and essential oils can be extremely pricey.

I found that the thought of cleaning something with a Lysol cleaner I would be continually thinking about what effect that would have on myself and my children when we 1. breathe the scent in, or 2. touch and or (in the babies case eat off the floor). I think our home should have a degree of germs as that's important for the immune systems but it cant be filthy. However in my opinion I think our own germs are safer then the chemicals and toxins found in most cleaning and household products.

I've recently started purchasing clean living, toxin free products for my home and let me tell you I'm over the moon about it. 

1.  I always thought that Clean Living products you buy won't work as well... Happy to say I was wrong. I've been extremely impressed with the quality the and the effectiveness of the products. My top 5 favourites so far are the Laundry Detergent, Dish Soap, Toothpaste, Dishwasher pods, and the Shampoo. They smell incredible, natural, and are good for your home your body and the environment.

2. That they would be extremely pricey. Happy to say I was wrong again. I was able to purchase almost everything I would need around my home, received a discount, and I didn't even have to leave the house to shop (Who would want to bring 3 kids to the grocery store??? NOT ME) and it wasn't overpriced.

The products that I've been using are EWG, EPA, and NSF certified and approved (these are 3rd party companies that check for quality and clean ingredients). The company also manufactures the products in a clean facility and makes sure everything is recyclable. 

In addition to my mission to pay closer attention to what's in my home in our air and on my family, I've also been on a mission to reduce our plastic use. Simple changes that can drastically help the environment and really aren't that "inconvenient" for my family. Like making sure I use my cloth bags at the grocery store, using containers instead of plastic bags and saran wrap in my daughters lunch, and saying no to plastic straws at restaurants.

 Its been an easy and really enjoyable transition and I encourage everyone to take a look into cleaner living. Feel free to message or email me if you'd like to learn more about what I've been using and how you can take your first steps towards a healthier home and family.

Much Love, Teesha

The "Balancing Act" as a Working Mama

This isn't something that is necessarily an easy task. We want to feel like we can cope and balance our work, family, wellness, and everything else, but in reality it feels often as though we are falling apart and sacrificing things to make everything work.

There's so much pressure to wear all these hats and be perfect while we do it. With so many things to do and so many different responsibilities. How the hell can we possibly balance everything efficiently all the time?

Reality check: you cant... at least not all the time. 


Most of you know I'm a mom of 3 girls (4 year old and 18 month twins). I've been working at home with them, doing my photography, my art, planning community events, blogging, and keeping up with my online business. It's been an adjustment but I've finally settled into a great balance that works for myself and my family. I'm able to work my jobs, have time with the kids and husband, write my blog, and all those other daily and weekly activities. I get asked ALL the time "how do you do everything that you do??". I laugh because it isn't easy.. but nothing "easy" is ever worth it. I love what I do which helps keep me motivated.

Some things that have helped me immensely are:

1. Letting Go

Everyone's "balance" will look different. You will have to evaluate and ask yourself what are your top priorities. I've found for myself, its all about figuring out a system that makes you feel at least a bit balanced. Letting go of the things that really aren't as of value to you are a best step, and not having the guilt that comes with that. If this means letting go of commitments like a cousins birthday party because you value your daughter's time at her dance class then sometimes that's just what needs to happen. Your living your life for you and your family, focus on whats most important and re-evaluate when necessary.

2. Be realistic

I know, I know, easier said then done. but keeping in mind that we aren't superhuman, we all have a breaking point where the tasks and responsibilities become too much and you want to curl into a ball and hide. Evaluate whats truly important like I've said before and let go of that guilt!! Some days will completely crumble, but letting go of that high expectation is the first step to taking control. Shrug it off.. "today was crap..but tomorrow will be better!!"



3. Plan and Prioritize

Goes right back to the same point I made before.

I started a schedule for myself as a guideline for my day to day. I give myself planned time for certain tasks. When you work for yourself it can be easy to slack off so keeping yourself accountable is important. Being somewhat planned also helps my husband, he knows when he looks at the calendar which days I'm working or need him and we can coordinate our life accordingly. 
I also prioritize the morning and dinner time as "family time" and try to put my phone aside and be present with family. They come first, and i squeeze my work in the time slots around them (like when the twins nap or during Lexi's dance class) Everyday is different but working on a general routine helps.

4. Quality not quantity



So maybe you've noticed I only have 1-2 hours here and there for working. For myself this works especially well. I find that 1-2 hours allotted for uninterrupted work provides a better quality time slot where I'm more productive verses a few mins here and there. It also ensures that when I'm with my kids I'm fully present and there with them.






5. One thing at a time

This plays into the last point. I run a million miles a minute and I've found that the best way for myself to be productive and feel more clear and organized is to have a TO-DO list. It gets all the thoughts out of your head and right in front of you. Eliminates forgetting something and you can visually see what tasks there are and can better prioritize. Maybe you already makes lists and you know how awesome it is... if you aren't a list person but feel out of control, get yourself a notebook and give it a shot, I find it SO helpful. 


Hope this helps a bit, and please know that YOU are AMAZING, and everything always has a way of working out, even when things seem chaotic. You got this!

Much Love, Teesha

Breast Isn't Always Best

We all hear the saying "breast is best" when it comes to the topic of breastfeeding your baby. It's doctor recommended, its free, and its most beneficial to you baby, and yourself. It provides bonding between you and your baby, it helps reduce stress, and help loose that baby weight. I can't argue with those facts and I won't because to be truthful I wanted to be able to breastfeed and provide all of those to my girls.

When I had Lexi, I was fully prepared. I had hired a Doula. I had everything prepared and lined up, a birth plan in place... Everything. I had full intentions of breastfeeding and began to work towards that the minute I could hold her. She struggled latching, but I continued on because I understood that it may take a bit of work. We spent 7 days in hospital due to her jaundice and complications with myself (although they never told me what exactly). During those days I had several nurses help me, show me different techniques that may help. I met with the lactation consultant, and I was doing everything right, milk was starting to come in...but something wasn't right. What pain I was prepared for, for some reason wasn't going away. Every feeding hurt more and more, I was bleeding, uncomfortable, and would feed her with tears running down my face from the pain it was causing.

I felt guilty, wondered if I was just weak? I questioned if I was holding her right or what I wasn't understanding, even though they told me I was doing it correctly. Then they discovered something... She was tongue tied. (A tongue tie is when the connective tissue on the underside of your tongue is still too far attached so movement is limited. It can cause eating, sleeping and speech issues later in life) We opted to have it fixed. It took them 2 seconds and she didn't even cry.

So back we went to breastfeeding since her issue had been corrected she should be able to suck properly without just clamping down like she had been. At this point I was already in so much pain and had damage that needed to heal. I attempted pumping, and feeding her through a bottle, but I could barely produce enough.

I felt like a failure. I wanted to provide her with what was "best". I was in pain, I felt weak, I felt like I was already failing at being a mom a week into having her. It was so much pressure and expectations that were just triggering depression. I struggled to give her what I could for 3 excruciating months, until I finally gave up.

Once I made this decision things got easier, she started sleeping better, and I was happier. I felt good about everything until I would attend a mommy and me class and see all the moms breastfeeding. I would be pulling out bottles and formula to mix up wondering what they thought. I was already the youngest mom there, and I definitely felt like an outsider. Although I'm sure many of these women didn't judge me for this, I wished I was able to provide my daughter with what they were able to for their children. The jealousy and mom guilt sucked.

When I had my twins, I again, was fully prepared to breastfeed. But with twins it's a totally different ball game. I imagined being able to have that connection, cuddle, feed and embrace it. Reality is that you can't embrace much when there's two (It's survival). Fortunately I WAS more successful with the twins!!
They were not tongue tied and the experience was much less painful, and I was able to have some enjoyable bonding moments.( I will forever treasure those memories with them) My supply however wasn't enough. Two babies were demanding 4 oz EACH every hour, I was barely producing 4 oz total a hour. It was constant pumping, eating foods that would increase my supply, taking supplements, IT WAS EXHAUSTING.

Trying to juggle the girls, and keep them on schedule was draining but necessary for our sanity.  It was especially challenging because people were coming to visit and help (which was very needed) but it made breastfeeding more challenging because I was continually pumping. Although no one cared, I felt weird trying to have a coffee with the loud sound of the breast pump going. I also wasn't fully comfortable with my nephew or dad or father in law while I was trying to do this. So a visit from them meant I fell behind and everything was thrown off. I was depressed. I don't think there's ever been a point where I've been as mentally low as that time in my life.

I again managed to get 3 months in before I had nothing left for them. I know that moving to formula was not only my only option (I wasn't producing) , but necessary for my mental health. I feel good about myself knowing I tried and that they got the most important nutrients from the first few months. It still however bothers me when I see "breast is best" or a mom who makes a comment to me about the formula without knowing my story.

I'm not really sure the purpose of me sharing this experience except for to put it out there and to make it known that ITS OKAY to NOT BREASTFEED. Being a HAPPY, HEALTHY, and functioning mother is more important. Plus one day your going to have a toddler who eats dirt and only wants hot-dogs for dinner so really why are we so hard don ourselves.  The expectations to be the "perfect" mom are too much.

As mom's we NEED to be accepting of each other. We are all going to do things differently so WHO CARES! We all love our kids, that's all that matters. We just got to keep going and hopefully we wont screw them up too bad!

Much Love, Teesha.

How to Prepare for Christmas when your a BUSY MOM on a BUDGET!

Christmas is my favorite and most crazy time of year, it's full of joy, warmth, family and of course chaos. Preparing and getting everything done can be a stressful and daunting task that can take away from the enjoyment of the holiday. The last few years I've found a few things that have helped me get things done, and make the process of gift buying and preparation easier, so I can be present and enjoy the season. 

1. START A LIST. 

Even now. Its the end of September and I started a list of everyone I'm getting a gift for, and I start brainstorming what I would want to get them. Keep the list either in your notes in your phone or a book that you have with you, this way when you think of something you can jot it down. Knowing what your getting ahead of time saves so much stress trying to last minute pick something for someone. there's always some people you just have no idea what to get for, ask other family members for ideas then write it down! I don't know how many times I would get a brilliant gift idea then completely forget it.

2. DECIDE ON A BUDGET. 

Having a budget for Christmas shopping helps so you can plan out what extra money you need to account for the holiday, and can make it less stressful. Go through and figure out roughly your budget for each person. Gift buying can get out of hand fast, and overspending is a real issue so just keep your list in mind and add to it when you make a purchase so you can remember for who and what you've already bought, so you don't go over budget. For myself when things are tight finance wise, I get creative. There's so many amazing DIY gift ideas you can do, you can bake, or get the kids involved! I encourage My daughter to paint or make gifts for people. Not only do I feel this teaches her the value of compassion and giving, its a meaningful gift that people always love. They don't need to be complicated either, simple crafts that are simple and inexpensive.

Comment below if you'd like my list of DIY craft ideas for the holidays :)

3. START BUYING EARLY. 

I make it a task starting September/October that I set aside and extra $20-$50, for my Bi-Weekly grocery shop to get at least one gift every shop. This eliminates the need to go out and do a massive shop right before the holidays when the stores are packed, and isn't as hard on the budget.

4. SHOP LOCAL/HANDMADE.

I personally love receiving handmade items and I appreciate the love and value that comes with it. There are so many craft and vendor shows that pop up everywhere in the fall/winter months. Take a day and go look around, you can find so many amazing custom gifts. Not only that but rather then supporting a big chain store, your supporting another hardworking person and helping them provide for their family this season. 

5. WRAP AS YOU BUY.

You got your list to help you remember what you've bought, so each night before bed, take a couple mins and wrap a couple gifts. My husband thought I was crazy doing this, but it saved me so much time and stress closer too. It was one less thing I had to worry about. (Plus he doesn't wrap them anyway so its not his concern
LOL)

These are the things I've been doing now for a few years and It's made the entire experience more enjoyable when I feel more organized and not last minute rushing. I can be present with my family and children and love every loud, wonderful moment.
Hope this helps you take back some control this season and fully embrace your Christmas holidays!

Much Love, Teesha. 

5 Lessons I Learned Becoming a Mom

1. Everything you thought you knew, you really didn't. 
You can read all the books, blogs, and information you want but nothing fully prepares you for becoming a parent. The sheer fact that your now responsible for another human can knock you on your ass. Really.
I was feeling so confident until they placed that little baby in my arms and reality hit me like a brick wall. Do I even know how to take care of myself? Let alone this precious little baby that's totally reliant on me?
You can never be fully prepared for that reality check, but its also something that has to be experienced and you learn as you go. Next thing you know you'll be getting things figured out and feeling confident again, until boom, your child hits another milestone, learns something new, or starts testing you in new ways. This leads me into lesson 2.

2. Parenting is a constant learning curve.

You have to be adaptable. Every day those little sponges learn something new and challenge you in new ways. Things that work one week, may not work the next. It keeps you on your toes and continually challenges you. As difficult as it can be its an amazing experience that develops your own coping, and adaptability skills, and in general as a person. I've never been overly patient person, but that's one thing that having kids has helped me improve. (Can we all agree that watching them try to zip their own jacket can be torture though???)

3. Let go of certain expectations.
The house is not going to stay clean. Your not going to be able to feed them a "perfect" balanced healthy meal every day. You'll prob cave and use the T.V to entertain them so you can get a minute of peace.
These things will happen.
Don't beat yourself up. There's such a high level of expectations we have as mom's, and the guilt and the pressure associated can make some days unbearable.
Ever had that bad day when just everything that can go wrong does? Dinner is not made, house is a disaster, everyone screaming or crying, and your sitting there beating yourself up for not being better? I've been there, and its sucks. I think its learning to take the good days with the bad. Some days will be hell, but other days will be incredible and you'll feel like supermom. It's all about balance so we need to stop being so hard on ourselves.

4. Don't compare yourself to other mom's

You are doing the very best for yourself and your family. Everyone's situation is different and every child is different. What works for you may not work for someone else. Trying to always keep up with the Jones will be the death of you. Don't get me wrong I know a few moms who in my mind look picture perfect, the kids are clean, the house is clean, well behaved, organic everything blah blah blah. But guaranteed there's stuff that we don't see. No one is perfect and every kid has shit their pants, so lets face it, we need to stop comparing and judging each other.


5. Children can be our teachers

My girls have taught me so much about myself, who I want to be, how to be present, how to be patient, how to have fun again, and so much more. Children are free. Children are honest. They will strait up tell you how they see things. I really think watching and paying attention is an incredible experience and opportunity for us as adults to remember and learn. My girls have made me a better person. They make me want to do better and be better and to live a live that provides them with all the joy that we can. Be open to learning and looking at life through the eyes of a child can be refreshing.

 Much Love, Teesha

Overcoming Anxiety

Anxiety is a constant sink hole.
Anxiety is daily battles within your own mind, a flow of irrational and fearful thoughts.
Anxiety is worrying for days before having to drive somewhere.
Anxiety is cancelling plans with your friends cause being in a crowd when your feeling anxious is just TOO much.
Anxiety is having a panic attack from thinking about walking into a room already filled with people.
Anxiety is constant overthinking.
Anxiety is feeling like everyone hates you.

Anxiety can pull you down and make you less of what your capable of. It can take someone with BIG dreams and make them too fearful to act. It can make being a parent (which is already a freaking hard task) seem impossible. 

I've struggled with anxiety for as long as I remember and I've had to look deep within myself, and had to take time to work on many things.  I can now  recognize which thoughts are my anxiety and work through them. It doesn't just go away. Its not an easy "switch" ON and OFF. It's something I will forever have to live with. I now have the ability to recognize it, and I now have the strength to move with it.

I know my potential, I know what I want to do/create/accomplish but every damn day I have to shush that inner critic, that paranoid voice that always tries to tell me I'm not enough. 

There are so many moments in my life where there was something I wanted to do so badly. Things like joining the choir, auditioning for the school play, applying for that job I really wanted, and putting myself out there for great things, that I NEVER did. I let the fear and anxiety control me for so long, it made me regret choices, it made me sink down and stay comfortable.  Nothing great comes from just staying comfortable. 

First step to learning to push past your Anxiety is recognizing it. When you feel anxious, or negative, make a conscious effort to think and ask yourself, "is this rational" "is this my anxiety" and thinking "regardless of how i'm feeling, what makes sense in this situation." "how can I help myself in this situation".

Sometimes after recognizing it. It can be small changes that may help you cope. Things like taking a break, having a few breaths. Maybe if your going somewhere plan to go early so it eliminates the stress of showing up after everyone's there. Make small adaptations to make things easier for yourself, but still DO the things your wanting to do. 

Being a mother has increased my anxiety like crazy. My children are my whole world and now I not only have fears and thoughts whirring around in my head about myself. Now there are constant worries and thoughts about my children, their safety, if I did enough for them, are loved enough, did I yell too much, did I say the right thing, etc. It goes on and on and amplifies mom guilt 10x. 

It crushed me when I noticed, my own anxiety holding them back from doing things, from having fun. Things like jumping on a trampoline without a net as the first example that comes too mind. Everyone else seemed laid back and comfortable, but I was watching my 4 year old jump with two other kids and I couldn't even breathe. I could picture so vividly her falling, I kept saying "be careful" where she replied for the 5th time "I am mom." 

I know that there's this title of "helicopter" mom. ( I hate labeling moms. period.) I don't do this intentionally. I just physically and mentally cant cope some days. It's the most uncomfortable feeling. I fight this feeling, because I recognize it's all MY fears and that chances are she will be fine. Its not fair for my fears to scare her or stop her from experiencing things and having fun. So I let her, and I can't watch. I send my husband over (even though he thinks its unnecessary) This helps me because I feel better knowing someones watching, but shes still having a good time. It literally took all my strength to walk away and let her jump. 

Having 3 kids has made these situations easier, because I'm facing them daily. 

The only thing that's made it easier to push past it. Is to keep doing it. 

Start small.

Facing smaller fears and keep working up. If you stop, you'll sink back down. Keep fighting. You are STRONG and BRAVE and you are meant for great things, your anxiety is just that thing in your way. 

In the last few years along my business journey as well as becoming a mother, I was pushed past that comfort zone and I can honestly say I have never once regretted it. Its an incredible feeling after facing your fears, the adrenaline, the self confidence, the excitement. Its not an easy mountain to climb but man, its the most rewarding feeling afterward. YOU DID IT!

Lastly, Be open about it. More and more people are coming forward and expressing themselves. Its crazy just how many people struggle, being open not only helps people understand you, but it can help someone else who's struggling in silence.

Only good can come from being open, I also think sharing your struggles gives you a certain strength, knowing your not alone, and you are NOT weak because of this. Anxiety is a mental illness and its a struggle, but its not impossible. Its just unfortunately something you need to adapt with to live that happy, fulfilled life you desire. But its very possible. You GOT THIS.

Thanks, much love: Teesha.